Men’s emotional disadvantage
THE EDITOR, Madam:
The recent killings of females by their male partners have caused great distress and much public outrage. As much as Jamaica’s murder rate is ridiculously high, the murder of women and children still strikes a rather gut-wrenching chord in most, if not all, Jamaicans. The public discussion that has ensued has been incredulous, as some persons are of the opinion that the victims are to blame for their demise.
The idea of a man investing in a woman, be it by sending her to school, renting her a house, paying her bills, buying her clothes and shoes, etc, does not entitle him to end her life if he finds out that she was being cunning or thinks that she is being disingenuous.
As adults, we all owe a duty of care to ourselves. We cannot be so blinded by love, lust, or infatuation that we don’t ask essential questions or act with caution so as to protect ourselves in relationships.
First, if you cannot afford to invest in a woman, do not reach above your abilities so to do. Allow a woman to be understanding and appreciative of what you can reasonably afford to bring to the table. If she does not – hint, hint – move right along.
Most men will only shower women with gifts if they are also getting something in return, mainly sex. Isn’t this the woman’s contribution to the relationship if she has nothing more to give or cannot afford the material things? Isn’t her time spent with a man, giving her emotions an investment in the relationship? What monetary value can be placed on those acts?
We need to stop discounting women’s contributions because it may not be material by nature!
Men need to stop being cowards and view relationships as a reciprocal arrangement – you give and you get, you win and you lose. Your investment can be lost or it can multiply into something even more meaningful. It cannot, however, be construed that if a woman decides to move on that means it’s death and destruction.
If women in Jamaica were to be of the same emotional disadvantage as males, Jamaica would mostly have females, as Jamaican males have failed women times and times again.
Good men are out there, good women are out there, too; however, the conversation should be focused on the act of taking another person’s life; not the theatrics that we think led to the action of murder.
There is simply no excuse for killing another person when a relationship goes south. As a country, we need to start with the socialisation of males and females in a very different way.