Gordon Robinson | It’s all about choices

The Dunce made so many senseless domino choices that Haemorrhoid was distracted from complaining about “piles and piles” of files on his desk.

He launched yet another of his endless Shaggy Dog tales:

“Darren, the world’s richest man, is dying. He has made peace with that.

But it’s bothering him interminably that nobody in the afterlife will know he amassed such a colossal personal fortune. Not that he could spend it but just to SHOW everyone what a great success the poor boy became.

He broods over this so much that his guardian angel flies to Heaven to consult Jesus. Jesus says ‘You know earthly wealth has no place here?’ The angel goes to bat for Darren pointing out how much good, charitable work Darren did. ‘He’s only human. He can’t help having this little quirk. Isn’t there something we can do to ease his mind?”

Jesus thinks a moment then tells the angel ‘Find a discreet way to tell him he can bring only one suitcase filled with whatever wealth he chooses.’

The angel delivers the message.

Darren is happy but agonizes over what to take with him to Heaven. He rules out money, stocks or jewels. Finally it dawns on him: gold! Gold has always been the only immutable currency.

He sends for his biggest suitcase; fills it with gold bars; and sets it beside his deathbed. Now he can die in peace. Which he does!

He arrives at the Pearly Gates suitcase in hand. St Peter greets him warmly and says ‘Let’s see what was so important that eternal bliss wasn’t enough’

The man proudly opens the suitcase stuffed with gold bars. St Peter stares at it, puzzled, and sighs in utter disbelief:

‘But...why did you bring pavement?’”

Oh, come on! Revelations 21:21?

I remembered Haemorrhoid’s tall tale when, in the aftermath of a robbery-cum-shooting of an Integrity Commission (IC) Director, at IC’s car park, a journalist asked Greg “Cowboy” Christie “What do you think of the shooting?” Cowboy replied “Ask the Government that.” The journalist persisted “What do you mean by that sir?” Cowboy doubled down “Ask them what that means”.

Cowboy Christie thereby stepped in so much self-created mess that he should be scraping the bottom of his shoe for weeks. I’m struggling to fathom what, other than masochism, could’ve caused an IC Executive Director to expel that amount of verbal diarrhoea.

The robbery, followed by his reckless, baseless outburst, didn’t occur in a vacuum. For months, JLP MPs/Senators cast partisan aspersions at IC. The attacks continued even after PM issued a “stop the cass-cass” plea. But “cass-cass” requires at least two participants. One-sided attacks peaked at an IC Oversight Committee meeting when Everald Warmington stormed out in a huff because Chairman, Ed Bartlett, prevented him from accusing a named IC Director of political bias. That same Director was subsequently robbed and shot.

But there’s more to the volatile atmosphere surrounding Cowboy’s vitriolic throwaway comments.

Three weeks previously PNP General Secretary, Dayton “Chatty Chatty” Campbell made an equally irresponsible, unjustified charge that Nationwide News Network (NNN) was “an incubator for the JLP”. Within a week, NNN’s car park was shot up and one parked vehicle grievously wounded. Both incidents happened in a country plagued with crime and violence in which too many aren’t safe

Yet JLP trolls jumped all over the NNN incident making unsubstantiated, illogical links to Chatty Chatty’s remarks. Now that a JLP target was the scene of a shooting, albeit obviously intended to enforce a robbery attempt, PNP trolls would be expected to offer standard tit-for-tat accusations of imaginary political links.

But for that tomfoolery to come from IC’s Executive Director, like the peace of God, passeth all understanding.

And his outburst’s inanity is multi-faceted. It begs the question: Where’s his heart and mind? His past declaration that every citizen has the right to a political bias is spot on. But every public servant must prevent biases from influencing work. Has Cowboy failed in that crucial national mission? Why else would he publicly utter such a partisan comment without a scintilla of supporting evidence?

His throwaway implications also converted IC’s subsequent statements that it wouldn’t comment into nonsense. Cowboy already did! Pointedly!

Cowboy Christie owes Jamaica an explanation for his puzzling choice. Calls for his resignation are premature but, by his conduct, he exposed himself to that indignity. He has only himself to blame for the rising temperature of the water in which he now swims.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com