Dwight Fletcher | The Peter Pattern of self-forgiveness – Part 2

IF YOU’VE been following along with this series, then you know we’re discussing the concept of forgiving ourselves. Sometimes, we beat up on ourselves for our mistakes, embarrassments and sin, even though God promises forgiveness and freedom to anyone who asks. We need to come to God and receive His forgiveness first, so that we can forgive ourselves.

One of the things we have to make sure we do is to be specific about what we need forgiven, because God forgives specifically. Sometimes we come to God with a general forgiveness request, like this, “God forgive me of all my sins”. But if we are honest, there are specific sins and mistakes in our life that we struggle to forgive in ourselves. God wants to forgive you for the specific things in your life that are weighing you down with guilt, shame and regret. We need to say:”God, I am carrying around this baggage from (name the specific sin) in my life and (name the specific mistake) in my life. I need You to forgive me of this, so that I can then forgive myself.”

Until you experience God’s forgiveness, you won’t know what real forgiveness is. And until you know it, you won’t be able to offer it to yourself. This is what happened with the disciple Peter in the Scripture. He denied Jesus, but the Son of God pursued him and let him know he was forgiven. Now it was up to Peter to move on to the next step and release himself.

STEP 2: SELF-FORGIVENESS CONTINUES WITH RELEASING MYSELF

Self-forgiveness means you accept responsibilities for actions and behaviours that occurred, but you are moving forward, knowing you can’t change what happened. Forgiving yourself means letting go of the feelings and emotions associated with what went wrong. The steps are similar to how we forgive others.

We acknowledge what occurred and recognise how it makes us feel. After accepting responsibility for what happened, we verbalise the remorse, guilt, or other similar emotions that we’re experiencing. We don’t make excuses for our sin, but we move beyond it and release ourselves from the debt. It may sound strange, but we actually need to make amends with ourselves. Ask God for help here. He may lead you to write a list of better actions to take in the future, or to look for an accountability partner.

Whatever you do, though, you must determine to get better, not bitter. Renounce any right to penance or self-punishment; renounce any inner vows made (for example, “I will never be like my mother who left me”), and any lie you have believed about yourself and others. Then you will no longer give that trauma power over your life.

When you follow this pattern, something wonderful happens

STEP 3: SELF-FORGIVENESS LEADS TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES FOR MY FUTURE

God always had big plans for Peter. Jesus knew Peter’s faults and knew that Peter would deny Him. Yet He still chose Peter, because He knew Peter’s potential, despite the mistake and despite the faults. Jesus was right. You see, Peter went on to be the central figure in the creation of the first century church. God used him to be the founder of the only organisation that Jesus left behind. It’s the only organisation that is going to last for eternity – the Church.

God has plans for you, too. Nothing you do can destroy those plans, once you are willing to receive forgiveness and to forgive yourself. I know that it can seem hard to believe and accept, but this is the truth. God knows your potential, and He knows where you will mess up. He already made plans for your restoration and escape from your destructive habits. His grace comes with the power you need to build the better future that He has for you.

We’ll discuss the building blocks of that better future next week.