Matchmaking and marriage services: Do Indians in the diaspora need them?

ACCORDING TO Rao Prakasa (1982), the traditional arranged Indian marriage matchmaker is called anag-waa, or nayan. The matchmaker is normally a family friend or distant relative, or maulvi, imam or pandit who serves as a neutral go-between when families are trying to arrange a marriage. Matchmakers can serve two functions: marriage scouts, who set out to find possible matches, and as envoys, people who negotiate between families.

As a scout and negotiator, a family sends the nayan into the community to seek possible matches. The matchmaker considers “family background, economic position, general character, family reputation, the value of the dowry, the effect of alliance on the property, and other family matters”. Newspapers, the Internet, television ads and social conventions serve as the modern nayan, or ag-waa (Prakasa 1982). Indian families in metropolitan cities use the mass media as go-between as a way of bridging cultural gaps in areas where there may be a small Indian population.

In the Caribbean, the minority Indo population in places such as St Vincent, St Kitts, St Lucia, Grenada, Jamaica, Belize, and the French islands of Martinique and Guadeloupe experience significant challenges in finding marriage partners of the same ethnicity in their respective country. Is there a need for a regional nayan in digital form, such as shaadi.com? These are the central questions that were addressed in the webinar.

The following are excerpts from an Indo-Caribbean Cultural Centre (ICC) Thought Leaders’ Forum (16/02/2025). The Zoom programme was chaired by Shakira Mohommed and moderated by Shalima Mohammed, both from Trinidad. There were three speakers in the programme. The topic was ‘Matchmaking and Marriage Services: Do Indians in the Diaspora Need Them?’ See the unedited recording of the programme at https://www.youtube.com/@dmahab/streams.

PARAG BHARGAVA

Parag Bhargava (of England) said: “Cohabitation is becoming a more popular way for couples to be together often discreetly. Many couples who do not find the right person to marry, but do find someone they connect with emotionally and physically, are choosing to live together. It is a practical choice for some. Finally, there is the option of staying single, enjoying life, spending your own money on yourself, and avoiding the responsibilities that come with in-laws, spouses, and children. But is that really the solution for the Indian diaspora? Is it the way to preserve identity and keep family legacies alive? Personally, I do not think so. I firmly believe that the Indian diaspora truly needs a dedicated dating and marriage service. Even in such a vast world, we need to make it feel like a smaller, more connected community, bringing people closer together, no matter where they live.”

SUPRIYA BHATTACHARYYA

Supriya Bhattacharyya (of Canada) said: “I think it is unrealistic to predict that there is only one way to find a partner. That kind of thinking is not desirable, nor is it practical. People will choose their own options, and those paths are constantly evolving. Some may prefer dating websites, while others might go with more traditional methods, like meeting through friends, word of mouth, or even through more structured dating services. In India, the way arranged marriages work are deeply rooted in the society and culture of the time.

“In the West, arranged marriages are often viewed negatively. For example, Canadian statistics show that cohabiting couples are more likely to divorce; but even then, no one system is necessarily better than the other. Each has its own strengths and weaknesses. As immigrants, when we come to a new country and want our children to have a fulfilling life experience, should we really make them feel marginalised by insisting they follow our ways exactly? Probably not. There is a saying in Sanskrit “ Vinayati deshantarani niyamani” which roughly means that when you are in a foreign land, the rules you followed in your birthplace don’t necessarily apply. Things change, and so must we.”

DR HALIMA-SA’ADIA KASSIM

Dr Halima-Sa’adia Kassim (of Trinidad) said: “From a Muslim perspective, matchmaking is seen as a way to connect potential partners within the Islamic faith, often with the goal of marriage. This can be achieved through various means, including dedicated platforms or apps. Islam places a strong emphasis on family life, and, by extension, on marriage. This emphasis has direct implications for how marriages are formed. In other words, how are marriages facilitated?

“Matchmaking is seen as an important way to maintain cultural and religious identity. However, modern influences have shifted the process from being dictated by intermediaries or other actors to a more direct arrangement between men and women. Informal mechanisms for matchmaking and marriage still exist within the community, and there have been efforts to encourage Muslims to meet in halal spaces. The presence of online dating and matrimonial platforms and apps continues to generate interest, but at this point, we are uncertain about the extent to which they are being used by local Muslims.”

Dr Kumar Mahabir. Email: dmahabir@gmail.com.