Gordon Robinson | Don’t cry for “small retail businesses”

Then there was the day The Dunce took too long to play.

In dominoes unless you want to be labelled a cheat, you’ll play quickly unless you have a legitimate problem. Any delay is considered “talking the game”. Mark you I’ve met some champion coders in my time who don’t need time or words to “talk the game”. A look; a shrug; the way you put the domino down; where you play; can speak louder than shouting “I have a blank.”

But this particular scenario was quintessential Dunce. He held six-five – the last six; the last five. He was faced with a “compulsory block”.

Gene Autry, looking at ace-blank/double-blank (a.k.a. “Devon House Rules”), impatiently asked The Dunce what was taking him so long? The Dunce didn’t want to play fives (Autry had done so earlier) or sixes (my earlier plays). Gene took a deep breath.

“Dunce” he intoned patiently “I never thought I’d ever say this to you. If a macca mek it jook yu!”

That’s where perennial spectator, Haemorrhoid, stopped complaining about “piles and piles” of files on his desk and essayed one of his famous Shaggy Dog Stories this time about tax season:

“Evan received notice of a tax investigation. He was scheduled to go to the Tax Authority for a preliminary interview the following day.

Frightened, he asked his accountant how to dress. ‘Rags’ the accountant replied. ‘They’ll think you’re a beggar.’ So he asked his lawyer who gave the opposite advice:

‘Don’t be intimidated. Wear your best suit and most elegant tie.’

Confused, Evan decides to ask his wife. He explains his dilemma. She says ‘When I was about to marry you, I asked my mother what to wear on the wedding night.

‘Put on heavy, thick pajamas that reach your neck,’ she advised.

‘But when I asked my best friend, she gave opposite advice: ‘Wear the smallest, most transparent lingerie you have and a thong.’

Evan listened carefully, becoming more confused by the word. Eventually he asked ‘But, my love, what does that have to do with my taxes?’

‘Well, no matter how you dress they’ll screw you!’”

Haemorrhoid literally rolled on the floor guffawing at his own ingenuity then told the Dunce to recognize when nothing you do changes results.

I remembered Haemorrhoid’s tale while listening to Fayval Williams open the Budget Debate. She explained her new Digital Services Tax:

“I want to highlight a phenomenon, not just in Jamaica,….it’s the silent closure of small retail businesses, given the change that has been happening in terms of our ability to easily order whatever we need online without the requisite taxes [my emphasis] . This puts our local businesses, our local retailers at a disadvantage.

“It isn’t equitable or fair. Our local businesses have to compete with tax-free items [again, my emphasis] , and I want Jamaicans to consider that it’s the people who work in these retail shops who are affected when they close. It’s the security guard no longer needed at the entrance or…to direct you where to park. It’s the cleaning crew that comes in early in the morning or late at night that are let go....”

As I listened I could almost hear violins in the background. I almost felt guilty for causing the mass closure of “small retail businesses” by choosing to purchase where price, convenience and customer service best suited me. Then, suddenly, I recalled this is the foundation of Capitalism which Fayval’s Government SAYS it espouses!

On February 22 ( Can Government Collect?) I wrote;

“GCT on ‘digital services’ is so fraught with logistical, philosophical and legal difficulties that even Government doesn’t expect any return until 2027….”

But it appears we’ve bigger problems including a Finance Minister who knows not the meaning of “tax-free”. Firstly, many online purchases attract seller country taxes at source. Then online shopping still needs to get here. That means when Fayval’s friends at customs give me my “tax-free” shopping, they immediately empty my pocket for duties (tax #1) and GCT (tax #2). If I use a shipping agency it adds a service fee but the final cost to me is still miles below the cost offered by rapacious “small retail businesses” who’ve been getting away with rampant price gouging for decades because we had no choice.

So excuse me if I don’t cry for these “small retail businesses”. And please stop the political spinning. Online shopping isn’t “tax free.” What Fayval should admit is Government, like Oliver, wants MORE. More taxes! From anywhere!! This has NOTHING to do with helping local businesses who pay the same taxes on imports we do. It has everything to do with Government’s immediate need and insatiable appetite for new taxes.

As for we, the taxpayers, it matters not which way we turn. Tax Macca will jook us.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com