Gordon Robinson | The essence of agitation

Since Naughty News Network (NNN) publicly speculated that Rasta MP would challenge Bark Balding for Promises Not Performance (PNP) leadership, our favourite Fantasyland Apocrypha has been abuzz.

But Rasta MP made no public announcement. NNN’s report led to more PNP internal squabbling. Rasta MP decided to consult Oma D’unn for advice how to proceed. Readers remember Oma, a former politician who started, as a hobby, advising rivals and comrades alike by parable. Soon his practice grew until, on retirement, he opened a consultancy firm named Oma Unsacked.

Rasta MP asked Oma whether he should announce an impending challenge. Oma advised him to buy a bus driver’s manual. Rasta MP was bemused so Oma told him the story of a contest on a bus.

“Two women were fighting for the last available seat on the bus. No amount of reasoning was helping the bus driver resolve the issue. In desperation he grabbed his training manual and announced:

‘The policy is to allow the seat to go to the uglier one.’

Both women stood for the remainder of the trip.”

Rasta MP wasn’t deciphering the math so Oma asked him why he wanted to be PNP Leader? Was it his ambition for Apocrypha or himself? Rasta MP answered both. So Oma asked him to be certain he wasn’t entering a who’s-the-uglier contest because then the leadership seat might as well be vacant.

Back home in JamRock, Nationwide News Network (NNN) tossed a cat among People’s National Party (PNP) pigeons (by Agatha Christie) when it reported Damion Crawford was expected to challenge Mark Golding for PNP President in September 2027. By so doing, NNN, maybe inadvertently, incited a thirteen months internal PNP power struggle. This would grant JLP the political space to recover from its own governance stumbles. NNN succeeded in re-creating 2019 when PNP internal struggles allowed JLP to improve electoral prospects and win two elections as PNP imploded.

NNN didn’t stop at speculating about the expected challenge. All sorts of salacious “details” including the number of sitting MPs allegedly supporting Damion’s challenge were excitedly publicized.

An obviously agitated Damion accused some Comrades of using proxies to attack him and his supporters. NNN gleefully carried that response along with another speculative bit linking MP Dwayne Vaz’s resignation from a junior Spokesperson appointment to his alleged support for Damion.

Damion, emphasizing the obvious, maintains he made no public announcement but can only blame himself for this niche media frenzy because he has often stated publicly he wants to be PNP Leader then PM. Now, don’t get me wrong. Every MP wants to be PM.

Every. Single. One!

But those with skill-sets set to become PM don’t publicly announce their ambitions. That’s, at best, naïve and, at worst, silly. It’s bound to cause public perception of and, likely, actual internal strife.

This tells us that, between Mark and Damion, Mark is more likely to carry PNP to Jamaica House. But that’s sadder than Bobby Goldsboro with pen in hand. Because I’ve often opined that Mark Golding has as much chance of winning a Jamaican general election as I do of flying backways on a broomstick to the moon.

So, if PNP plans to waste another year quarreling about Damion vs Mark, it’s destined to remain in second place and Jamaica doomed to a four term Government. Only NNN can say how it feels about that. But it certainly started a political firestorm within PNP at a time when Integrity Commission reports are being thrown at Parliament like Frisbees; Third Country Nationals, deported by ICE, are somehow being deposited (oops, sorry, “transited”) in Jamaica after a “skilled workers” proposal by a Jamaican Ambassador somehow ended with Jamaica becoming USA’s deportee dumpster; and Jamaica’s public health has become what Ezroy Millwood would call “a chronic”.

NNN couldn’t have produced better misdirection for JLP’s benefit had it tried. David Copperfield would be proud. But the entire fiasco isn’t NNN’s fault. PNP’s political naiveté seems to know no bounds.

For ten years PNP has behaved like a happy wanderer lost in a wilderness created by Rise United and stuck in a policy quagmire. It’s like a cartoon of an elderly Trini lady paused on her staircase. After a while she asks herself (out loud) “Is I going up or is I coming down?”

It’s time PNP steps back; looks in a clean mirror; and analyzes why it lost badly twice. PNP should ask itself who among its membership has broad national appeal; political charisma; policy-making and street smarts; and is capable of convincing many who jumped ship to light a candle, sing a sankey and find their way home. I could name three or four who qualify none named Mark or Damion.

When PNP, in private, locates that individual, that person must be appointed by acclamation. Perish any thought of another disastrous, soul-destroying leadership contest.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.