Leroy Fearon | The power of a strong support system: Even the strong need support

We celebrate independence, applaud resilience and admire people who appear to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. But we rarely ask a fundamental question: Who is holding them up?

There is a dangerous misconception that people who appear to have their lives together need the least support. We admire the accomplished professional, the dependable parent, the leader who makes difficult decisions and the friend who is always available to others. Yet, we seldom consider the emotional cost of constantly being the person everyone depends on. Perhaps it is time to reconsider what we mean when we speak about a strong support system.

We often discuss support systems in the context of children and education. We rightly emphasise parental involvement, stable home environments and adults who advocate for children's academic and emotional development. We understand that children thrive when people invest in their growth.

Yet, somewhere along the journey into adulthood, we begin to behave as though support becomes less necessary. We transition from encouraging children to ask for help to expecting adults to figure everything out themselves. We teach children that it takes a village to raise them but rarely remind adults that it takes a community to sustain them. When did growing up become synonymous with growing alone?

THE MYTH OF THE SELF-SUFFICIENT ADULT

Adulthood brings competing responsibilities: careers to build, bills to pay, families to nurture, relationships to maintain and ambitions to pursue. Some must also navigate grief, financial uncertainty, workplace pressures and the expectations of people who depend on them.

Despite these demands, adults are often expected to manage everything quietly. When they struggle, they are told to be stronger, more organised or more resilient, as though the ability to endure is unlimited.

But a person can be highly competent and still be overwhelmed. Someone can lead an institution, support a family and inspire a community while privately wondering who will be there when they can no longer keep everything together.

The problem is not that adults need support. It is that we have created cultures in which needing support is sometimes interpreted as weakness.

Being independent does not mean being self-sufficient in every aspect of life. We can be capable decision-makers and responsible adults while benefiting from people who offer encouragement, perspective, practical assistance and emotional safety. Being able to carry a burden does not mean you were meant to carry it alone.

CONNECTION IS A NECESSITY, NOT A LUXURY

A strong support system is more than having people around us. We can have hundreds of contacts, professional networks and social media followers yet have nobody we feel safe enough to call when life becomes difficult.

True support comes from relationships in which we can be honest, vulnerable, challenged and encouraged. It means having people who celebrate our achievements without competing with us, correct us without humiliating us and remain present when we have nothing impressive to offer.

Research reinforces the importance of these connections. Holt-Lunstad, Smith and Layton (2010), in a meta-analysis of 148 studies involving more than 300,000 participants, found that stronger social relationships were associated with a greater likelihood of survival. Their findings underscore that meaningful relationships are connected to physical health, not merely emotional satisfaction.

Similarly, the United States Surgeon General's 2023 advisory on loneliness and social isolation highlighted the importance of social connection to health and well-being.

These findings do not suggest that relationships guarantee good health. Rather, they challenge the assumption that our connections with others are separate from our ability to live well.

We invest in qualifications, careers, financial security and personal development. Yet, how often do we deliberately invest in the relationships that help us remain emotionally grounded enough to sustain our ambitions?

WHO SUPPORTS THE SUPPORTER?

Consider the people who solve problems before anyone notices them, encourage others when they themselves need reassurance and show up for everyone even when their own lives are complicated. Over time, dependability can become an identity. Asking for help may feel like a betrayal of the person everyone believes them to be.

This is particularly evident in professional environments. Leaders are expected to be decisive and composed. Teachers, healthcare workers, entrepreneurs and public servants are expected to keep serving, even when their own emotional reserves are depleted.

Some become isolated by the very positions they worked hard to attain. They have people to manage but few people to confide in. They make difficult decisions but have little space to process their consequences.

We cannot continually demand excellence from people while neglecting the support that makes excellence sustainable. The same applies to our personal lives. Who checks on the parent providing stability for everyone else? Who encourages the friend who is always the counsellor? Who listens to the person who has become the family's financial safety net?

Sometimes, people do not become exhausted because they are incapable of handling life. They become exhausted because they have been handling too much of it without adequate support.

We must become more attentive to those whose competence makes their struggles invisible.

BUILDING SUPPORT REQUIRES INTENTION

Not every relationship is supportive. Some are built on competition, manipulation or conditional affection. A healthy support system must therefore include trust, respect, reciprocity and boundaries.

We must also recognise that support is not simply something to receive; it is something to give. We cannot expect meaningful relationships if we contact people only when we need something, celebrate our own milestones but overlook theirs, or promise to be available and disappear when they need us.

Support is built through ordinary, consistent acts of care: checking in without waiting for a crisis, listening without immediately judging, celebrating another person's success and offering practical help when possible.

It also requires us to pay attention. Not everyone who needs support will ask for it. Sometimes, the person who insists that everything is fine has simply learned not to expect anyone to ask a second question.

We should also examine our own lives. Do we have people we can call when we are struggling, not merely celebrating? Can we admit uncertainty without fearing judgement? Are we providing that same reassurance to others? A few dependable relationships can be more valuable than hundreds of superficial connections.

WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE INVINCIBLE

We need to change how we define strength. Strength is not the absence of struggle, the ability to remain silent while overwhelmed or a lifelong commitment to never needing anyone. Sometimes, strength is admitting exhaustion, establishing boundaries, seeking professional help or allowing someone else to carry part of the load.

The real power of a strong support system is that it helps us navigate adversity, maintain perspective and pursue our potential without sacrificing our well-being.

A society that values human potential must care about more than individual performance. It must also care about the relationships, workplaces and communities that allow people to flourish.

We spend so much of our lives trying to become people others can depend on. Perhaps we should spend more time building lives in which we, too, have people on whom we can depend.

Because the real power of a strong support system is not that it makes us dependent on others. It reminds us that we were never meant to be invincible. And perhaps the greatest gift we can offer another human being is the assurance that, even when life becomes difficult, they do not have to face it alone.

- Leroy Fearon Jr, J.P, M.Sc., is a lecturer, multi-disciplinary researcher, author, geography specialist, columnist, Governor General's Achievement Awardee '24 and Governor General I Believe Initiative (IBI) Ambassador '24. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and leroyfearon85@gmail.com. ONLINE ONLY COMMENTARY.