How we can stop judging others and start loving them

Every culture has its maxims and proverbs that guide people on how to live ethically. Jamaicans have seemingly endless proverbs that cover nearly all areas of life. These pithy, often humorous sayings contain some lesson to be learnt or some piece of knowledge to be imparted.

The Jewish people too, have many proverbs which have been passed down since time immemorial. Many of these were recorded in the “Pirkei Avot” or “Ethics of the Fathers,” arguably the most famous book of Jewish wisdom. The Pirkei Avot contains sayings of countless Jewish sages, some of which have become very well known, including Rabbi Hillel’s famous maxims: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” “If I am for myself, who am I?” and “If not now, when?”

During the seven weeks between Passover and the Shavuot festival, we have a custom to study chapters of the Pirkei Avot on Shabbat afternoon, to glean bits of wisdom from the age-old ethical teachings. One of my favorite verses from the Pirkei Avot is the following: “Joshua the son of Perachia would say: ‘Make for yourself a teacher, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every person favourably.’” (Pirkei Avot 1:6)

I want to focus on this verse, because while it may seem simple on its surface, it contains so much depth and meaning when we look a little deeper at it.

It might seem as though these three parts “Make for yourself a teacher,” “acquire for yourself a friend,” and “judge every person favourably” are unrelated. However, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, taught that these are ways we should relate to three different kinds of people: Righteous people, “in-betweens,” and wicked people.

The first words of the verse, “Provide a teacher for yourself,” teach us that when we encounter a righteous person, someone we look up to, we should look to emulate them and make them our teacher. The second part of the verse refers to the “in-between” people, who are on a similar level to ourselves. When we find people who struggle with the same challenges and obstacles we do, we should befriend them. That way they can help us grow as a person.

Then there are those who don’t inspire us, who are on a low spiritual or moral level. The verse concludes by saying that instead of judging the people we see as being on a lower level than us, we should look at them in a positive light and judge them favourably.

But how do we judge others favourably?

This is where the Rebbe provided a truly revolutionary opinion. The classic Jewish understanding, as written by Maimonides, is that when you are unsure whether someone is righteous or wicked, and you witness him doing an act that may be interpreted as either good or bad, you should judge favourably and not think he is doing something wrong.

However, the Rebbe completely redefined what judging others favourably means. He taught that the focus must be on the person, not the action. When someone is caught doing something undeniably wrong, we must look at the good within them. We must recognize that each person has a soul an inner spark that remains pure and has the potential to overcome any obstacle.

To the Rebbe, judging favourably isn’t about making excuses for a bad deed; it’s about refusing to let a bad deed define the person. When we focus on the “man” rather than the “deed,” we see the person for who they truly are at their core, rather than who they are at their weakest moment. By seeing the best in someone, we actually help them find the strength to return to that goodness.

This relates to this week’s Torah Portion, Tazria-Metzora, read this Shabbat, on April 18. The portion deals extensively with tzaraat, a skin condition that afflicts people, clothing, and even the walls of houses. The Torah requires that someone diagnosed with tzaraat be sent outside the camp, isolated, and declared impure until the condition clears.

The rabbis read tzaraat not as a medical phenomenon but as a spiritual one, specifically as divine punishment for Lashon Hara — speaking negatively about others.

When we speak poorly of someone, we are doing the exact opposite of the Rebbe’s teaching: we are focusing entirely on the deed and ignoring the person. We are “locking” them into their mistakes and presenting that as their whole identity. This is why the punishment for Lashon Hara was isolation; since the speaker’s words created a wall between people by focusing on their faults, they were placed outside the camp.

The lesson for us this Shabbat is clear. Whether we are looking at a teacher we admire, a friend we lean on, or someone who seems to have lost their way, our job is to look for the spark. By judging every person favourably by seeing the person and not just the deed we don’t just avoid the “plague” of negative speech; we become a source of healing and light, helping others, and ourselves, to become the people we were meant to be.

Rabbi Yaakov Raskin has served as the Chabad-Lubavitch emissary to Jamaica since 2014. end feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and info@Jewishjamaica.com