Tony Deyal | School days with boys and girls

Why did the children send letters to school? Because they wanted to go to high school. Worse, they were not even close to going to school, but they already had things to say to the others like, “Why was the math ‘jook’ always sad? Not just that they were full of problems, but the major one was that they were about three years before they would reach there!”

What was interesting was that our two children, my daughter and son, were getting ready for school whenever that would be. More, they were getting ready with one that they loved, “Why did the teacher and daddy wear sunglasses?” And they both said, “That was because father and mother, as well as the teacher were so bright!” In fact, even though they were not yet three, I added, “What is a snake’s favourite subject? His-tory.”

Obviously, their mum made sure the kids were learning. When she asked, “What did you learn today?” the children joked, “Not enough Mom. They said we must go back to school tomorrow!” I went outside so Mom would not hear my laughing. Yet, even so, I made sure not to make noise otherwise I would be in trouble and the kids would laugh. As they were getting closer to school, they were full of “talk” and ideas for when they got there. Like, “What’s big and yellow that comes every morning to brighten your mom’s day? A school bus.” Then there were, “What is white when it is dirty and black when it is clean? A school bus.” The youngster then supposedly boasted, “Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!” The Mom was extremely happy and said, “That’s great. In what class?” The child responded, “A 40 in reading and a 60 in spelling.” Mom immediately made it clear, “Get down on the ground and stay there until I tell you to get up after tomorrow!” Then there was one I remembered so many times when the student said to the teacher, “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?” The teacher said, “Of course not!” And the student was glad, “Good, because I didn’t do my homework.” And of course, that changed the game and the licks!

Because I worked in different places, especially in the Caribbean, there was a lot in common including school days that were full of big laughs, loud hallways, and funny moments between boys and girls trying to survive homework and “pop quizzes”. These are really short, informal tests that teachers give to students without any warning or announcement. Then there were “funny” school jokes that we heard, especially when our children reached home. For instance, they liked ‘The Pencil and the Paper’, with the boy asking, “What did the paper say to the pencil?” and the girl responded, “Write on!” Then there was ‘The Math Book’. In this case the boy tells the girl, “Why are math books always so sad?” The girl responds immediately, “Because they are full of problems!” Then there was ‘The Library’. The boy came up with, “Which school building has the most stories?” and the girl shouted, “The library.” Then our children, as soon as they reached home, came up with ‘The Clock’. This went with the boys asking, “Why did the boy throw his clocks out of the classroom window?” The girls dropped it on the boys with, “We wanted to see time fly!” And to end it with a ‘Science Lab’ we heard, “During a chemistry experiment, a boy liked to look like a mad scientist by wearing safety goggles on his forehead instead of his eyes.” A girl quietly pointed out, “Bro, if that explodes, your eyebrows are going to Mars before you do.” Then she added for the younger boys and girls, “It is better to move faster like Mercury, the fastest planet in the solar system!”

Fortunately, we don’t have to go far, fast or even be frightened. There are school jokes to make the younger kids smile. Here are some for you especially when the kids need help like, “How do you get straight A’s? By using a ruler.”; “Which building has the most stories? The library.”; “Where do surfers go to school? Boarding school”; “What does your computer do for lunch? Has a byte.”; “What letter holds the most amount of water? The C.”; “Why was the notebook so popular? It had all the right lines.”; “What’s the eraser’s life motto? Everybody makes mistakes.”; “Why did the bikes get detention at school? They spoke too much.”; “Why did the egg get thrown out of class? Because it kept telling yolks.” Then there was the highlight joke in which someone said to the textbook, “I’ll bring out the best in you.” And when they asked, “Why do the fireflies get bad grades at school?” they replied, “Because they are not bright enough.” Then there was one considered the worst, “Why did the pencil go to the other one on the first day of school? Looking sharp.” Then they asked, “What school is the friendliest one?” A “hi” school!’ and then laughed, “Why did the glue get in trouble at school? It couldn’t stick to the rules.”

While most of us know that it is not just here, but throughout the Caribbean and almost every place in the world, there are jokes that are not for kids or even men and women. Worse, the “so-called kids” when together add language that none of us allow and after the first time, send them to the “boss” for licks. From our end, we still tried to get the kids to read, think and not go after “bad” stuff. Here are some of the teachers who feel that the kids should be the best they can be. This is not easy, really, but worth it. Here are a few to end with for the kids! “Why was the cell phone scared to go to the dentist? He didn’t want him to remove his blue tooth.” Then there was my time as an 80-year-old and the stuttering private said to me, “Aye, Aye, Matey!” Another one came up with, “What did one bug on the windshield say to the other bug on the windshield? I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again.”

Even the great Benjamin Franklin, who invented practical everyday tools and scientific devices, became a joke when the kids asked, “What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked to speak.” Then there was, “Why can a hand not be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.” Another came up with, “What is a lawyer’s favourite outfit? A lawsuit.” And to end it without bad words that end in fights and school problems, “Why did the sink ask if the toilet was feeling okay? He looked flushed.” And to end it for all of us, everywhere, “What race is never run? The human race.”

Tony Deyal was last seen when, as a teacher, he had to listen to the kids, “My father grows beans,” said one girl. “My mother cooks beans,” said a boy. And then a bright student spoke up with, “We are all human beans.”